How to Live in Neverland
by The BlakRoz
Summary: It all started with a book. A book that made her believe anything was possible. Even Neverland. A place where reality wasn't cruel. For years, she went back and forth, escaping reality to live inside her head. Step One: Question. Step Two: Discover. Step Three: Dream. The second star to the right, and straight on 'til morning... "It's a bitter world. I'd rather dream..."
1. Secrets

**Songs:  
_Second Star to the Right_ ~ Jonatha Brooke  
_Secrets_ ~ One Republic**

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_The second star to the right  
Shines in the night for you  
To tell you that the dreams you plan  
Really can come true_

That's what I had always believed. Especially when I was younger. I ate up the tale of Peter Pan and Neverland and pirates and lost boys. For hours upon hours I would dream away, soaring through the clouds, dancing with Indians, (cleaning up after all the boys). Sometimes I would bring some friends of mine along with me to my little island. They would join me in my fun games of what I later realized it was make-believe.

_The second star to the right  
Shines with a light that's rare  
And if it's Neverland you need  
Its light will lead you there_

I'm 17 now; I'll turn 18 soon. It's been nearly 8 years since I've flown off to Neverland. I don't really remember what happened, why I stopped. It was probably because we moved again. We always moved around a lot. I never really forgot about Neverland. I still look up in the sky, trying to find it. But I've long since stopped trying to go.

_Twinkle, twinkle, little star  
So I'll know where you are  
Gleaming in the skies above  
Take me to the land I dream of_

I haven't even dreamt of Neverland in such a long time. I guess, growing up, you just start to disregard silly things like islands where you can never grow up. You start to lose that creative imagination you have when you're such a little child. That's probably why they always say 'never grow up'. You aren't very innocent anymore, when you're a teenager. If only I had listened.

_And when our journey is through  
Each time we say 'good night'  
We'll thank the little star that shines  
The second from the right_

There is a reason I'm telling you all of this. Why I'm now telling you to never grow up. It really is terrible. This is my story, my secret. I'm telling you, warning you: don't grow up. Don't even start, because once you do, then nothing will ever be the same again.

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**Thanks for reading! Stick around, and review please!**


	2. Friends

**Song:  
_Friends _~ Band of Skulls**

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Wake up. Lay in bed, trying to decide if getting up is worth it. Look at the clock. Decide it's worth it. Get up. Have breakfast while trying to bear the antics of family. Retreat back to room. Star at closet, debating between dressing to impress or being lazy. Look at the clock again. Have mild panic set in. Grab a shirt and pair of jeans. Go to the bathroom. Stare at the mirror, debating if putting on makeup is worth it. Decide on eyeliner and mascara. Grab backpack. Run out the door. Run down street to corner. Catch breath. Wait for friends to arrive.

Always wait for friends to arrive. Always try hard to get there before friends do.

If I had to describe this in two words, they'd be "every morning". Every. Stinking. Morning. Of. My. Life. Honestly, it just gets so boring sometimes. What's that saying, 'stuck in a rut' or something? That's what it is. Just the same routine every day. But wait, there's more!

Friends arrive. Pretend to be happy. Smile, and start laughing with them, even though what they're talking about doesn't really matter. Walk to school together. Try to not focus on crush, who's the ex, who's dating one of the friends. Arrive at school. Be grateful to be shuffled into the crowds. It's harder to see them now. It's easier to shove them out, forget them. Find locker. Trudge off to class. Repeat for the next six hours. Final bell rings. Rush to locker, trying to stay ahead of crowds. Grab things. Run to front doors. Catch breath. Wait for friends to arrive.

Always wait for friends to arrive. Always try hard to get there before friends do.

My friends aren't really my friends. They're just acquaintances who I like slightly more than everyone else at this dump. There's my first friend from when I first moved here, her next-door neighbor, their neighbor from across the street, the neighbor from down my street (very far down the street), her best friend, and my ex/my crush/the only boy in the group. But we won't talk about that now. Why do I think they aren't really my friends? Well, I think I'm their friend, but I don't think they actually really care about me the way a friend should. And then there's my ex/crush. They all kinda hate me for that.

So why do I hang out with them? Well, that is an excellent question. That I don't have the answer to. I guess, really, if I have to waste time, I'd rather do it with people who at least somewhat like me.

So I have friends, but I don't. Make sense? No? Excuse me, I'm making perfect sense. You're just not keeping up*****.

So start paying attention.

Now, that past two years of my life have pretty much sucked. And it's mostly because of the twisted relationship I had with my ex, before he started dating one of my friends. Things in my life have been really dark. Like, _really_ dark. (Don't tell anyone, but I've thought about suicide, like, four times, and that's just in the past few months alone). Don't get me wrong, I'm getting better now, really. At least, I think I'm getting better. I haven't had a major breakdown since the beginning of February. There was a mini one about two weeks ago, but I'm mostly improving. Really.

Anyway, enough background. You're not sticking around for _that_. So there the seven of us were, walking home from school like we do every day, laughing at teachers' quirks and the stupidity of the student body. One of us said goodbye, then broke off from the group, heading towards her house. I was the next to depart. I waved goodbye to my friends, then started crossing the street. I was about halfway across when, out of the corner of my eye, something black against the blue sky caught my eye.

It was never a particularly busy road. Every now and again a car would pass, but really, it didn't happen often. So it didn't occur to me that stopping in the middle of the road was a bad idea. But really, it was weird. At first I thought it might have been a bird, a raven or crow or something, but its shape was off, and it was too big for as far away as it was. So I turned and looked up, squinting to try to get a better look at it. It was flying too fast for a bird as well.

I was so entranced by the bird, I didn't notice that my friends hadn't gotten very far, and that they were screaming my name. I finally turned back towards them, then heard what they were screaming. "Move! _Move!_" What? "Get out of the way! It's coming!"

Then I saw something else out of the corner of my eye, but not from the direction of the bird-thing. I looked behind me, and then fully turned.

A car was coming down the street, driving far above the speed limit, barreling towards me.

Did you know that inside each of our bodies is a 'fight-or-flight' instinct, activated with lots of adrenaline? Yeah, you probably did. But did you know that the adrenaline reacts differently in males and females? For example, when a car comes hurtling at a guy, adrenaline actives and rushes through his bloodstream, and 'fight-or-flight' is initiated. Because men are built with a slightly larger stature than girls, (which just means they're more muscly than we are), the reaction they get is fight. So they move out of the way of the car.

Girls, on the other hand, get frozen. So, no, I didn't move away when the car tried to stop, but couldn't. It was too close. And I stood there like a frozen idiot, just waiting to get hit.

(Although, just between you and me, I really wouldn't have minded if I got hit by a car. Really. It would've been a mercy.)

I was able to look away as the car slammed into me. And man, did I feel that impact. I also heard my friends call out to me, just yelling my name over and over again. But I didn't feel the ground as soon as I should have, and wind was still blowing. I slowly peeked one eye opened.

So, remember that black thing from earlier? The one that distracted me long enough to get hit with a car? Yeah. It was _carrying_ me. I opened both my eyes, and looked down at my friends. They had stopped shouting my name, just stared up in awe. I looked at the black thing, trying to understand what it actually was, as it flew me up and up.

I was human shaped, and black, but kind of see-through, like a shadow. And it's eyes - because it totally had eyes - were just bright purple glowing circles. Yes, it is as creepy as it sounds. The strangest thing, though, is that the thing looked so familiar to me. I thought back in my memory, went back a long, long time, to the last time I had encountered something like this.

While up and up we flew. Part of me wondered why I was still able to breathe. Seriously, isn't the atmosphere really thin way up there? There's not enough oxygen for me, right? How was I breathing? And then we were in space, and I was still breathing just fine. Personally, I blame the shadow. I think it had something to do with it. But this all seemed so familiar; I kept trying to think back, when did this happen last? Space, stars, shadows...

Then it hit me.

I thought - but - no - it couldn't be - could it?

I looked over my shoulder, and found a star. Not just any star, a very specific star. A star with a hidden island inside.

_Neverland_.

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*** Doctor Who quote/reference. Who got it? ;)**

**Also, it's not required, but highly recommended that you listen to the songs at the beginning of the chapter while you read through the chapter. **

**Thanks for reading! Review please!**


	3. Come Away to the Water

**Song:  
_Come Away to the Water _~ Maroon 5**

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The island hadn't changed much. It was dark, so it was probably nighttime. Or Peter wasn't there. I looked back at the thing that was carrying me, and wondered for a second if it was Peter's shadow. I knew that it often had a mind of its own, but I couldn't recall it ever doing anything _this_ impressive.

Even though it was dark, I could still make things out. The mountains that made Dead Man's Peak; Skull Rock and Black Castle sitting in the water like an ominous welcome; Mermaid's Lagoon, Cannibal Cove, Crocodile Creek, the Indian Camps, Pixie Hollow... everything was there.

So where was everybody? It all looked abandoned. The next question was naturally why is Peter's Shadow flying me to an abandoned island?

The closer we got, the more I realized the forests had practically doubled, in height and size. We started descending, and about 10 feet above the ground, the stupid thing dropped me. At least sand can be kind of soft. Sort of. I stood up and brushed myself off, the jumped back in surprise.

Hello, mysterious and slightly creepy wall of boys slowly coming out of the dark forest towards me.

I took another step back, taking each boy in carefully. Some were tall, as if they had come in their late teen years. Others were tiny, like they were still young boys when they left home. All of them had a weapon of some sort. And I didn't recognize a single one. After a few minutes of all of us simply staring at each other, one stepped forward. I didn't need to recognize him. Only one boy would ever do that.

Peter stood a few yards away from me, surrounded by his new Lost Boys. I turned around, taking in the place again, before turning back to him, annoyed. "Why did you bring me here, Peter?" I asked, completely skipping any and all formalities. I looked around again, curious and a little worried.

"Well, hello to you too," he said, smirking. I rolled my eyes, not playing games. Not with him, not right now.

"And what happened to the island? Why's it so dark, and empty?"

Peter took a few measured steps towards me. "The island's changed, along with you, apparently." I looked back at him, and tilted my head slightly. He looked and sounded completely different than the last time I saw him. Almost like a…

I nodded towards him. "What about you?" I asked carefully. I stepped towards him, knowing I was stepping onto shaky ground with my next statement. "I thought you weren't allowed to grow up." I crossed my arms, just in case.

Surprisingly, he didn't have any sort of fit at the words. He took two more steps towards me and shrugged casually. "I changed with you as well."

I narrowed my eyes, completely confused. Peter had definitely changed, but I couldn't understand how or why. He had gotten taller – I used to be just half-inches taller, but now he was quite a few inches over me. His body looked more lean and muscular, though he was still twig-thin.

I tried hard to avoid his face, but couldn't resist for very long. His jaw line was more pronounced, though he still looked a little chubby, and a sadistic-looking smirk sat on his lips. His hair was shorter and browner. His eyes – impossibly – changed colors. The last time I saw him they were cinnamon brown. Now they were gray-green. I held back a smile at the familiar gleam of mischief in them.

Finally I shook my head and responded. "That's not possible. I'm not connected to the island anymore." I looked him up and down again. "Or you, for that matter. I haven't been in _years_."

"Yet we've all grown darker, as you have."

"I am not _dark_!" I fought back, simply because I didn't actually want to admit it out loud. Or to him.

"Look around you!" He yelled, throwing his arms out in a grand gesture towards the surrounding dark landscape. I took a step back, shocked. Peter didn't normally yell. "This is what the island has become because this is what you've changed it into!" His arms swung down and he stalked towards me, stopping a few feet away. "Your dreams have gotten darker over the years, and this has been the result."

Though Peter's eyes bore into mine with a dark heat, I continued denying him. "I haven't dreamt about Neverland in..." I stopped to think, my eyes going wide at the answer. "What seems like a lifetime..." I shoved my nostalgia away, bringing my anger back to the forefront of my mind. "Much less _visited_!"

"And how much can change in a lifetime, do you think?" Peter asked darkly, taking yet another step forwards. "Because it's been many lifetimes since I've last seen you. You've changed as much as we have."

I scoffed at his words. "Well, yeah, it's been about eight years since I've last come. On the mainland, _you grow_." I shouldn't have needed to explain the mechanics of the mainland to Peter Pan.

"And for me it's been much, _much_ longer." Peter smirked again. He took one last step, finally putting us face to face.

I raised my eyebrows. "So you brought me here because you were lonely? Did you ever think of, I don't know, maybe, _calling ahead first_?" I yelled at him, even though he was right there. "Or the Neverland equivalent? Something more than just sending your stupid creepy shadow... _thing_ to come collect me! When did your shadow even start _doing_ that?"

"You've been gone a long time, love," Peter smiled. I supposed he was trying to be cute, but it came out much more menacing.

My face hardened. "Don't call me love," I snapped.

"Don't give me orders," he said dangerously, following my suit.

I rolled my eyes. "You're not king of the island."

"How do you know?"

"The island. Rules. Itself. Always has, always will."

"Always _did_."

"You're not in charge, Peter."

"Always have been. Always. Will be."

We had inched closer during our heated back and forth, until our faces were dangerously close together. It had been a long time since I'd been that close to someone's face, especially a guy's. I glanced down for a moment, then met his eyes again.

I took a deep breath, steadying myself. I lowered my voice, so only Peter could hear me. "Why am I here?" I asked calmly.

"Because I need you here," he answered, almost just as calmly. Though his answer just opened up more questions.

I shook my head. "You never have before." No one really needs me places, not anymore.

"Things change."

"Neverland doesn't."

Peter closed his eyes and ran his hand over his face, clearly just as upset as I was. "Well," he started, faking cheeriness. "I would really like to have the entire argument over again, really, I would. But I've not more important matters to attend to."

"Like _what_?!" I snapped again. "Everyone else is gone, from what I could tell." As his shadow flew over the island, I couldn't see any signs of anyone else on Neverland. "It's just creepy you and your creepy shadow and your creepy new gang of Lost Boys on this creepy excuse of a dreamland!" I looked around at the Lost Boys. "Did I mention you're all really creepy?"

Peter nodded with a snarky smile. "I think I got that part of the message, love," he sneered.

I rolled my eyes, then glared at him. "I _said_—"

"_Now_," he cut me off firmly, "I'm sure it's been a very long, stressful day for you. _Full_ of surprises." He put his hands on my shoulders.

"Peter, please!" I begged. "Just take me home!"

His face was very serious, and he had a dangerous gleam in his eyes. His hands slipped from my shoulders to above my elbows, holding tightly. "I think it's best if you get some rest now."

Peter's grip gradually got tighter, and painful. "Let me go!" I shouted. I tried pulling away, but to no avail. His hold just got tighter.

He pulled me closer and let one hand go. It started glowing an eerie purple. Before I could react, he waved his hand in front of my face. "_Sleep,_" he commanded. I was about to retort back, but my eyes started closing and my mind went fuzzy. Peter's grip loosened.

"Peter..." I managed to shove out, quiet though it was. My eyes shut, and wouldn't open.

The last thing I felt was Peter's strong arms catching me as my body went limp.

The last thing I heard was Peter's soft, cruel voice whisper a single word in my ear.

"... _Never_!"

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**Thanks for reading! Review please!**


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